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I’ve been asking the wrong question!

No wonder I haven’t had clarity on how to best make the decision — I’ve been asking the wrong question!

Have you done this? You ask a question, or pray to whatever higher power you appeal to, looking for guidance and direction. When the idea or answer pops into your head –“Boom! There is its!” — you look toward the heavens and say, “Really? Are you sure?!”

Questioning the very response to that which you have been seeking! It’s really kind of comical when you think about it; at least it is to me.

So, I’ve become aware of some training that will allow me to add some additional tools to my coaching tool box, which will help me better serve my clients in achieving greater levels of self-awareness, resulting in higher levels of performance, and achieving whatever it is they endeavor to do. So, I asked the question: Should I or shouldn’t I enroll in this training?

Should I or Shouldn’t I?

The answer to that is obvious isn’t it? It’s either yes, you should, or no, you shouldn’t. Either response can be equally argued for, I’m certain. There are pro’s and con’s to either response, up sides and down sides to every option.

It would be similar to asking “is this the right thing or the wrong thing to do or say?” There will be pro’s and con’s to whatever answer you come up with for that question, as well.

Is this the right thing or the wrong thing to do?

The question I should have asked myself is this: Will taking this action move me closer to my goal? If the answer is “yes,” I should enroll in the course. If the answer is “No,” I should not enroll in the course. It’s truly that simple.

Will taking this action move me closer to my goal?

 

You see, I can talk myself into it and out of it within the same conversation. I can argue with myself about whether it’s a responsible use of my resources, or if I should save them for something else. I can view it from a perspective of scarcity — I have only so much time, energy, and money to invest in growing myself — or from a perspective of abundance — I will grow immeasurably from this experience, serve my clients more fully, therefore growing my financial resources over time as a result of this additional benefit I can offer.

Asking it that way, the answer is obvious. I should enroll in the course, continue to grow, and serve my clients. The only question now is, which location to register for? That one will require a little homework on travel costs!

I hope you now have a new perspective on how to evaluate the many options that appear in your life, especially when you’ve asked for guidance and direction. Rather than questioning the source of the answer you get, consider how doing or not doing whatever it is will serve you in your purpose.

If you don’t know your purpose, you have a different starting point entirely. From personal experience, I highly recommend working with a skilled coach or mentor.

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Are you a drama queen?

I’ve been involved in a couple of different situations of late that have brought the principles outlined in the Drama lesson of the Empowerment Mentoring program front and center for me. Follow along, and spend a few minutes reflecting on these thoughts to see if you may be creating some unnecessary drama in your life.

The key principle that is most active around me, recently, is this: Assuming malicious intent from others OR acting with malicious intent. Specifically, assigning motives to others, in the belief that one knows what someone else is trying to accomplish in a given situation, without the benefit of having a conversation with the person to discover what is actually going on.

Have you participated in a relationship in which you made certain assumptions about another person’s motives, that later turned out to be a misunderstanding or misinterpretation? First, it’s human nature to make up stories about what’s going on around us, because we like to have closure and we have a strong need for things to make sense. So, we pull in bits and pieces of information, snatches of conversation, and we make up stories that make sense to us, based on our values, beliefs, and life experiences. This doesn’t mean that the stories we come up with are based in reality, only that they make sense to us. The problem here is the stories we concoct are often far from the truth…simply because we are missing key facts.

The other consideration is that Intent does NOT equal Impact! It’s important to consider that there are times when we speak or act  that what we intend to happen is not the outcome we get. What that means is, we are sometimes the author of some of the drama in our lives, because we are not fully self-aware or as intentional as we might be. And we also tend to make assumptions about the intent and behaviors of others in our lives.

If you’re experiencing drama in your life, I encourage you to spend some time in reflection and come to an understanding of the role you are playing in the situation.

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Change your thinking, change your life

I recently awoke from an odd dream, that got me thinking about how we think and its impact on our lives.

In the dream, I was walking through a train station, filled with people, as you would imagine. There was a young woman (in her 20’s I would guess) asking people for money. She asked a woman who was walking near me for money. The second woman said she didn’t have any cash. The first woman said “That’s ok, your bank is right here. Let’s go in and you can get some.”

Looking a bit bewildered, the second woman was ushered into the bank and I followed (curious to see what would happen next). The woman approached the teller and said she needed some cash from one of her accounts. The first woman, overhearing this — ‘one of her accounts’ — demanded the teller write down the balances in all of the woman’s accounts…presumably so she could determine how much money she could extract from her confused “benefactor.” The teller wrote the amounts out on a chalkboard (yes, things are sometimes strange in dreams!) and the account holder stood there silently, while the first woman decided how much money she should be given. She came up with some number, and the teller began to do what he needed to do, while the second woman looked on.

This was when I felt the need to step in and object. It was a ridiculous scenario to be sure…and it was certainly none of my business what some other person chose to do with their own money.

My objection sprang from the fact that simply giving this young woman money would not solve her problems. When you have a dysfunctional relationship with money, having more of it will not solve anything; you will simply blow through it as you usually do. It’s only when you are able to change your thinking about what money really is — a tool — and how you use it that you are able to make changes in your circumstances.

I felt compelled to explain this to the first young woman, although it would probably have fallen on deaf ears. Here is just one story of a person who came into a cash windfall, and it didn’t miraculously “fix” her life…in fact, it led to a lot of other issues and challenges, and wouldn’t you know, she is no longer a millionaire!

Here’s the bottom line. If you have the yearning to become a millionaire, great! But simply acquiring the money will not make you different. If you focus on the journey and invest in the process, the more important outcome is who you become on the way to earning the money.

It’s the same principle with anything else you desire to achieve, have, do, or be…the wisest people understand it’s not about actually accomplishing the goal, it’s about who you become on your way there. If you truly want to change your life…you must change your thinking. More specifically, you must actually ENGAGE in THINKING, not simply resorting to habitual ways of thinking or allowing others to think for you.

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