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The Road to Success is NOT Paved with ESP!

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Surely, you’ve had this experience: You have an expectation that someone will do something or something specific will happen… but it doesn’t. As a result, you may have become a little cranky, perhaps frustrated, or even angry.

I’m confident you said, “Yes,” because I’m confident it’s happened to all of us at least once in our life. More specifically, I’m contemplating those instances of it happening as an adult because we’re supposed to have grown wiser as we’ve aged (this is not always the case, however, based on my experience!). 

The Salon

I have a friend who is a hairstylist. She rents a space in a salon owned by another stylist. The salon owner recently decided to add a little retail shop in her salon. She is selling essential oils, journals, trendy t-shirts, and a few other items. To make space for this shop, she commandeered what used to be the client waiting room, and she changed the station spaces the other stylists rent from her. 

Here’s the catch: The shop was designed and set up by the owner. She didn’t ask the other stylists what they thought or if they wanted to be involved. She didn’t offer them any incentive or a percentage of any sales they might make from the shop. She did, however, “suggest” (vaguely, based on how the story was related to me by my friend) that they should encourage their clients to buy items from the shop. 

One Possible Hallucination

As we cannot see into the owner’s mind, nor have we engaged her in discussion about her vision for the shop or her expectations around what it might do for her business or how she imagines the other stylists might be involved, we can only imagine what she is thinking and what her expectations may be. This is why I refer to it as a possible “hallucination…” as it’s only in my mind, and my assumptions about what’s going on may be faulty! 

She has expressed her desire to supplement her normal income through sales from the shop. Because she has suggested her stylists should encourage their clients to buy things in the shop, I imagine (hallucinate = seeing something that isn’t actually there!) she’s hoping they are as excited about it as she is and will actively take part in promoting it and encouraging their clients to shop and purchase the wares on display. 

Increasing the Confusion

Another aspect of this story that has me even more confused is the fact that the owner is actually working fewer hours, now that the shop is “open” than she used to before she added it to the salon. If she wants to grow her revenue, working less doesn’t make sense. Nor does it make sense to create an add-on to your business, which will require active promotion, a live body in the shop to answer questions, encourage purchases, and handle the transactions, and then be there fewer hours. 

And based on the story, as related to me by my friend, the other stylists in the salon take no ownership for this new shop. They aren’t actively promoting it or encouraging their clients to shop in it. In fact, they are actively and openly questioning the salon owners’ thinking and expectations.

Compounding a less-than-ideal situation is the fact that this salon is a “destination” kind of location. You don’t wander by or into it because you’re strolling down the lane filled with other shops, café’s, or anything of the like. It’s situated in a little older house, next door to an auto-glass shop… on a street with a 45-mph speed limit. There is no random, walk-in traffic. 

Recipe for Disaster

This is just one story, one situation in which there appears to be some unspoken expectations. Yes, the stylists could simply come out and ask her what she’s thinking and what her expectations are, but they won’t. Besides continue to service their clients, they’re busy making assumptions that she’s expecting them to do more work on her behalf with no benefit to them. 

Based on experience, unless one of them is compelled to bring this up in conversation, the shop will not be a success, the owner will be frustrated and confused about why it failed and why no one helped her, and the stylists will feel justified in saying, “I told you…” 

It’s Painful for All Involved

While this specific situation may not be even remotely related to your business, it still has implications for you and your business. I would be willing to bet a months’ salary that someone in your organization – maybe even you – has unexpressed expectations about something. 

There’s some specific task you expect someone to take on and complete. There’s an expected outcome… or a specific path someone is expected to take to get a task completed. It may be about thinking or behavior or action, but there’s some unspoken expectation harbored in someone’s mind, and when what they expect doesn’t happen, it creates misunderstanding and frustration, perhaps regrettable communication, and may even undermine relationships. 

I know, because it’s happened to me when I was an employee. It’s happened to me when I was supervising others. And it’s happened in my personal life, with more than one person and on more than one occasion. And in the spirit of full transparency, I’ve been on both ends of this equation – as the person with the unspoken expectations and as the person who was expected to have active ESP and just know what the other person was thinking or wanted. 

Regardless of which end of the equation you are on the result is not fun. 

Implications for Your Business

Perhaps the more important thing to focus on, however, is “what does it mean for your business?” 

Here are some questions you might ask yourself, if things in your organization are not going as expected: 

  • What exactly am I expecting of my people? 
  • How have I communicated my expectations to them?
  • How did I check for understanding, after communicating my expectations? 
  • What did I do to refine my expectations in situations where it appears they were not clearly understood? 
  • What responsibility do I have in this situation (assuming something wasn’t completed due to lack of communication or a miscommunication)?
  • What could I have done differently, to ensure I articulated my expectations in a clear manner and that the person I shared them with understood and was ready to take responsibility to meet them? 
  • What could I do differently in the future to avoid a similar misunderstanding? 

What I Know for Sure

One thing I know for sure is that in any given interaction, at least two people own a piece of what happens. So, when a communication or interaction goes awry, and the outcome is not what I desired or expected, I am well served to first question what my personal role was, before looking to the other party to consider what went wrong. 

I also recognize that when I have unspoken expectations and things don’t go as I’d like them to, I’ve done the other person a disservice by not letting them in on what I’m thinking. Regardless of how long or how well I’ve known someone, it’s not fair to them to expect they can read my mind. Finally, I remind myself that allowing this to become an ongoing behavior can be damaging to the relationship over time. 

Let Me Hear from You

I’m curious to know how this expectation of the people in your life having ESP and just knowing what you want plays out in your life. Send me a note or leave a comment and share your story so we can all learn from it together. 

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Copyright 2019 Laura Prisc, Conscious Leadership Partners  www.consciousleadershippartners.com

Laura Prisc is The Most Trusted Authority on Conscious Leadership; she is a certified Gallup Strengths Coach, certified People Acuity Coach, Gallup-Trained Builder Profile Coach, and a member of the John Maxwell Team. 

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What would you do over?

I had the privilege of attending a business summit last week, where 800 business leaders and legislators gathered to discuss a number of issues in our state. Part of the agenda was an opportunity to get to know the candidates for our Congressional seats in the upcoming election. In pairs, these folks were given the opportunity to respond to a series of questions posed by a moderator, and one in particular caught my attention.

The moderator asked: What accomplishment in your public service career are you most proud of and what would you like the chance to do over?

What accomplishment are you most proud of and what would you like the chance to do over?

As I listened to each of the four candidates who participated, I found myself becoming more and more disappointed in them; although it is politics, so I shouldn’t have been surprised.

Essentially, here’s what they said: “I’m most proud of XX (fill in the blank with some specific thing), and I really have no regrets. I can’t think of anything in my life I would take back or do over.”

Really?

Pardon my disbelief, but that response left me cold. I can’t think of anyone I’ve met  who has no regrets, who wouldn’t like the opportunity to do something over. This is not to say that the something has to be monumental. It could be as simple as wishing one could take back a hurtful comment made in the heat of an argument, or fueled by hurt or misunderstanding. It could be wishing one took advantage of an opportunity that had been presented, but was missed out of lack of awareness, fear, doubt, insecurity. It could be a desire to do something again because of lessons learned and a desire to do whatever it was better, smarter, smoother, etc…There are often unintended consequences to our actions, and sometimes, we would like to try, again, based on that awareness.

I do understand the concept of saying “I have no regrets because I’m happy with where I am today.” I do. You see, I am very blessed to be where I am today, and looking back over the course of my life, I can see all the connections on the path to getting me here, and understand why the various experiences were necessary. At the same time, there are things I’ve done and said that I’ve deeply regretted and wish I could take back or do over, with more insight, stronger intuition, greater empathy, deeper wisdom. I’ve made apologies and amends and learned to forgive myself, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’ve goofed up, on numerous occasions, and would like to have done it better the first time.

But, this is how we learn. We try, we stumble, we learn, we try, again…

So, back to the political candidates. I assume some well-meaning communication officer or PR person told them it’s important to focus on the positive and not admit to any potential weakness or failure. I find it disingenuous. It disconnects them from the rest of us mere mortals who goof up on occasion. It leaves me feeling distrustful of them. If they can’t be open about a mis-step at some point in their life — or political career — what else will they not be honest and forthcoming about? And what will be the outcome if it turns out someone finds something in their past that they regret and would like to have done over?

This is like a job interview, isn’t it? When the interviewer asks the candidate what his / her strengths and weaknesses are. The truth is, we all have both and if we attempt to present ourselves as if we don’t, we’ve planted the seeds of distrust and disbelief. It usually doesn’t go well after that.

So, what about you? How would you answer the moderator’s question? What would you do over, and why?

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How I ended up in the basement yesterday

I facilitated a couple of workshops, discussing communication fundamentals and the dynamics within a particular team, yesterday. I had invited an observer into the second session, as we are considering doing some work together and she wanted to see me in action.

Afterwards, as I always do, I asked for some feedback. Her response? She noticed a drop in my energy level at a couple of points during the two-hours she observed. It was true; my energy level did drop and I was acutely aware of it. In “Strengths” terms, one of my dominant strengths had not served me well and I ended up in the “basement,” because it wasn’t on my radar, which would have allowed me to think ahead to how I would adapt when the moment hit.

The basement is where we go when our strengths are not used to full, positive potential, or when they are overused. In my case, it was Empathy, which my #8, so lots of influence on me at that level. I tend to really pick up on and identify with the tone and emotion in the room, and yesterday, there were a couple of people who seriously checked out for a portion of the session; in a small group, it’s painfully obvious to everyone around. I allowed myself to get sucked in…Not what I consider a top-notch performance for myself.

So, after receiving the feedback, I thought it through during my hour-plus drive home. Then, I spent some time discussing it with a Gallup Strengths Coach today. We talked through why it happens, how I can be more prepared for it, and what steps I can put in place to guard against allowing myself to end up in the basement, again.

It always comes full circle for me: Self-Awareness allows us the opportunity to think and act with intention, which makes it more likely we will achieve our desired outcomes.

I am thankful for the awareness and the choices I now have as a result.

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