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Nearly in tears because my hair stylist called in sick!

Yes, this was me, some months ago. My stylist actually called in sick twice in one week…the first time, the salon called to let me know, and rescheduled me for a couple of days later. I showed up early and waited nearly 30 minutes (there was no receptionist on duty — just stylists all with clients) before someone decided to tell me he’d called in sick, again.

I was so frustrated and upset, I was nearly in tears, but it’s not what you think. And, it’s not uncommon. I’ve heard similar stories from many of the women in my inner circle — and extended network — on numerous occasions.

It wasn’t actually about the haircut. The root of the issue (no pun intended) is this: As usual, I had a lot going on in my life, and had waited until my hair was truly out of shape, out of style, and just downright unruly before I’d called to make an appointment, which meant about another 10 days before I could actually get into the salon. It’s not as if I wasn’t aware that within a certain number of weeks of my last cut, that my hair would have grown and would need some professional attention. The issue was I had chosen to put my needs last, after my family, my business, my personal growth, etc…Commendable, maybe, but not conducive to peace or good mental health over time.

I was so looking forward to an hour of true down time, when someone else would be fully focused on me and my only responsibility was to sit upright in the chair; at that point, I needed that. So, when I finally took the time for myself and the stylist didn’t show up, I was at the end of my emotional reserves!

Ladies, tell me you haven’t been there…whether it was your hair stylist, nail technician, massage therapist, or a girlfriend you were planning to have coffee or lunch with…The stars were no longer in alignment and that respite you so desperately needed evaporated nearly in an instant, leaving you frustrated, emotional…whatever the reaction, it was likely out of proportion to the actual event.

This is one of the reasons I’m collaborating with Tracy Worley and Maureen Craig McIntosh to bring you Gracebreak Retreat. We are taking an intentional time out to reconnect with ourselves and other strong, talented, courageous women. We will discover our natural talents (potential) and strengths (performance), define or refine our core values, dig into the choices we make and the behaviors we demonstrate that either serve us or don’t! And we’ll connect with other women who share similar challenges in their lives, broadening and strengthening our inner circles and support network. And we’re doing this just outside of beautiful Bozeman, Montana.

Ask yourself these questions:

  • Do I routinely commit to things I really don’t have time for, or do not have deep meaning for me?
  • Do I routinely put everyone else’s needs before mine?
  • When I do take time out for myself, is it usually accidental (unplanned), late at night after everyone else is asleep, or simply because I’m desperate (and then I feel guilty for taking it)?
  • When was the last time I truly took significant time out to reconnect with and nurture my own needs?

If you answered yes to any (or all) of the first three, and you need to look at a calendar or have someone give you the answer to the last one, you need to be there with us. We’ve designed this retreat specifically for you. The truth is, you cannot give what you do not have and when your reserves run dry, you are of no service to anyone, especially you!

We can’t wait to see, and serve, you there! Register today!

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You can’t do for someone what they won’t do for themselves

As one of my mentors says, “you can’t see the picture when you’re in the frame.” Isn’t that so true?

When we are on the outside looking in, it’s so much easier to see things in others that they can’t see themselves…like recognizing someone’s potential, or fears.

As a coach, this is particularly frustrating, as I’ve been stuck in that place…that place where I didn’t recognize my potential, the self-limiting beliefs I was allowing to hold me back, the fears I didn’t acknowledge that also held me back. Fortunately, I found the mentors and coaches I needed to help me through. They held the mirror up for me to see myself with greater clarity. They asked me the hard questions, which caused me to dig deeper into my thinking and realize there were a lot more options in my life than I thought. I have been, and continue to be, blessed by them. I am also very blessed to be doing that work myself.

But I have to recognize my limitations. I can’t do for someone what he/she won’t do for him or herself. Twice in the past year, I’ve had “near misses” with coaching clients. They sought me out because they were stuck and wanted to become unstuck. They knew me from previous connections and reached out because they believed I could help. I believed it, too, after we talked about what each was going through. Both committed to the coaching process, and I sent them the information they needed prior to getting started. I asked each of them this question: What will you allow to stop you embarking on this self-discovery journey? Both of them, boldly I might say, said “nothing!” And yet, both backed out prior to our first session.

What will you allow to stop you?

I ask that question because I know what it’s like to be in that place and while it’s exhilarating to think you are moving forward to proactively make a change, to take charge of your life, it’s also frightening (remember the mirror? We don’t always want to see who we truly are…). I want them to think it through and recognize they have the power to take the step, the same as they have the power to continue to hold themselves back.

To date, while I keep in touch with both of them, and continue to offer them whatever thoughts, information, insights I have that may be of value to them…they remain distant. I wonder how they feel, what they think, what their lives are like with the knowledge that they have chosen to stay in that place, chosen to remain stuck, when they have the power to initiate something different. Time is passing.

At some level, my heart aches for them; they were close to change, close to knowing themselves more deeply, close to taking charge of their future, close to reclaiming their power. Now, they are a little more aware and still in that place. I am learning to accept that I cannot do it for them. I cannot accompany them on a journey they aren’t ready to take.

I hope they come back; I want to discover who they are in their more powerful, radiant, knowing selves.

 

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What happens when we allow fear to rule

I have an idea for a new business. I dream about it. I talk to other people about it; tell them I own it already, in fact! I write advertising for it in my head. I can see it with crystal clear vision. I’m tempted to order furniture and other supplies for it. So far, it’s only a domain name I have purchased, but have yet to make real in any other way.

What held me back, you ask? Well, I’ve never ventured into the realm of commercial real estate. This business will require some space; some unconventional space at that. I didn’t know anything about leases, utilities, insurance, etc…and that held me back for a bit; until a recent phone call with an entrepreneurial inner circle I belong to, when I shared my vision and what was stopping me moving forward, and one of the women shared how commercial leases work.

Voila! I had an entirely new level of understanding. Here’s where I was and where I am now.

Driving around the locations I think might be appropriate for my business, I look at buildings for lease. One, in particular, has a sign on it that says “$6-8 per square foot.” I assumed — without investigating — that meant $6-8 per square foot PER MONTH! For 1000 square feet, which is too small for my needs, that would be at least $6000 per month!

I thought it was insane. After all, I don’t live in Manhattan, London, Paris, or the like! I wondered how that could be and how small business could afford it. There’s my ignorance on full display.

I was enlightened on Monday, that those kinds of lease rates are typically based on a 1-3 year lease agreement; the cost is per year, not per month! With that new understanding, I quickly did some preliminary math and discovered I can afford commercial space without too much concern over being able to cover the rent.

The result: I’ve already spoken with a developer who specializes in renovating vacant buildings, as well as a commercial realtor and will be looking at a few spaces next week. I’m not just jumping in; first I will do some market research to ensure there is indeed demand for what I want to offer and also to determine appropriate price points for the service.

My point is this: I was allowing fear to hold me back. Fear that I didn’t have the resources necessary to even move forward. Fear that I lacked something fundamental that would keep me from success. Fear that what I would learn about leasing commercial space would tell me my dream wasn’t going to become a reality.

And think of the very simple thing I needed to do that would allow me to understand what was really involved: All I needed to do was pick up the phone, call a commercial realtor, and ask a simple question — how do lease rates work? That simple.

So what is holding you back today? What simple step could you take to increase your understanding of something that would move you forward in whatever you are striving to achieve?

I encourage you to simply take a deep breath, and do the thing you think you cannot do. You just may literally astound yourself!

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